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But again, we donвЂ™tВ getВ enough insight into that time or those personalities вЂ“ in Mandi, she worked with both Shabana and Smita, but says little about the experience except that they were wonderful to work with. She worked in seminal films such as Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro, MandiВ and Trikal. But she doesnвЂ™t articulate her way into her craft, how she builds characters and what enables her to deliver performances in which she rarely seems to be acting.Дespite her talent, Neena didnвЂ™t achieve the heights of Shabana Azmi or the late Smita Patil, but she was a well-known actor in Hindi cinemaвЂ™s flourishing art house movement.

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She alsoВ wrote and directedВ the blockbuster television series Saans. This is perplexing because Neena is a National Award-winning actor and вЂ“ this doesnвЂ™t get enough attention вЂ“ a National Award-winning director (for her 1993 short film BazarВ Sitaram). Neena isnвЂ™t afraid of revisiting troubled times: when a partner called off their upcoming marriage (it was so close that she had bought her trousseau) when she shot the climax of KhandaanВ вЂ“ the television series that made her famous вЂ“ after flying to Delhi for three days for her motherвЂ™s funeral or the fact that she wondered if her father was a little relieved when her mother died because he had a second wife and family, and had lived an exhausting divided and double life, shuttling between the two.Д«ut what she doesnвЂ™t give us enough insight into is her process as an artist.

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The bookВ has some terrific stories.В LikeВ how Ebrahim Alkazi, the legendary director of the National School of Drama, demonstrated to students, who were used to squatting in Indian bathrooms, how a Western-style toilet works: he sat fully clothed on the commode.В OrВ how when she first came to Mumbai to be an actor, Neena helped out at the Prithvi CafГ© in exchange for free food and tea.В OrВ how when she was pregnant with Masaba, her close friend, actor-director Satish Kaushik, comforted her by saying, вЂњDonвЂ™t worry, if the child is born with dark skin, you can just say itвЂ™s mine and weвЂ™ll get married. This is a woman looking back at her tumultuous life with grace and forgiveness. But what keeps you hooked is NeenaвЂ™s straightforward, sometimes melancholic, wise-with-age-and-experience voice.

The chapters on her later work, like the films BadhaaiВ HoВ and The Last ColorВ or the television series Panchayat, are overtly gushing and largely superficial.

Sach Kahun TohВ was written during the lockdown last year and there are parts that seem slapdash. The language is prosaic and sometimes repetitive вЂ“ in one chapter, the same person is described as вЂsweetвЂ™ on two consecutive pages. The book has minimal writerly flourishes. Her honesty is endearing and it is what makes Sach Kahun TohВ worth reading. While that is true, this book also attempts to set the record straight вЂ“ that in fact, Neena consistently struggled with low self-esteem, too often did not demand or get her due, and is also, as she writes, вЂњflawed, chipped, brokenвЂќ. She is often described as the original rebel, the woman who defied societal norms and lived life on her own terms.

That choice, unusual even today but downright radical three decades ago, has defined NeenaвЂ™s public persona.

Early on in Neena GuptaвЂ™s autobiography Sach Kahun Toh, she writes: вЂњI know many of my readers are waiting for me to get to the juicy bits of my life.вЂќ Those вЂњjuicy bitsвЂќ allude to her decision to have a child without getting married in 1989.

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